In Marin County, there are plenty of resources to support YOU, you just need to know where to look. You know the saying before take-off in an airplane to put the oxygen mask on yourself first before your child? Taking care of yourself when you have a teen with mental illness is the same thing.

We all know parenting teens is hard work, and parenting one with mental health issues can be exponentially harder. Knowing that your teen is suffering is very difficult for any parent. Realizing that she may be mentally ill and understanding the many challenges she may face can elicit a wide range of conflicted emotions, including fear, sadness, and helplessness. Since your struggling teen needs to be able to rely on your strength, love, and guidance, it's imperative that you take steps to take care of yourself.

When your teen is mentally ill and their behavior is unpredictable, it can be very difficult to know how to cope. You have little or no control over the symptoms or severity of the condition, yet the expectation of both your teen and others is that you should. Unfortunately, most of the "others" - friends, professionals, even family - have difficulty extending understanding to parents of teens with emotional or mental disorders.

Unlike physical illness, many people are disillusioned to the facts surrounding mental health and their discomfort and misunderstanding can cause them to distance themselves from you. Or they may tell you that all your teen needs is firm discipline or that you're overreacting ("typical teenage behavior", "I was a wild teen too", etc.). Being isolated from understanding peers can be lonely and add to feelings of helplessness. Now more than ever, reach out for support - see resources below.

When you have a child with mental illness, it is easy to let your concern consume your life. The stress and time involved with dealing with their school, doctors, finding help, confused friends, and friction within your own family can take its toll quickly. Here are some ideas to help keep you strong through challenging times:

#1 Find your posse
It is possible you may discover that some friends and members of your family have little interest in supporting you and your teen in dealing with challenges posed by your teen's mental health condition. Look for your allies, those who understand what you and your teen are going through and can, at minimum, lend a compassionate ear.

Find someone who is non-judgmental that you can talk to about your struggles, ideally that is often available to talk to in person or on the phone when you're in need. Having even one person in your corner can be incredibly therapeutic and important for your own mental health.

#2 Reach out for support
When you're in the whirlwind of your teen's mental illness, the time you may need the most support is typically the time that it's hardest to make the effort to get that support.

As difficult as it may be to take that first step, just do it. Be it a meeting with a counselor from Marin's Family Partnership Program, attending a support group session online or in-person, or taking a stress-reducing mindfulness class, you will feel more ready to be there for your teen after taking care of yourself first.

#3 Keep yourself healthy
Continuous, unrelenting stress is one of the most dangerous situations for your mental and physical health. While it is your responsibility to care for and support your teen, it is also your responsibility to take care of yourself. You may have to adjust your priorities or your lifestyle, but you should avoid letting the challenges posed by your teen's mental health condition make you neglect other important parts of your life. Learning skills such as meditation and mindfulness can reduce stress and help you cope in healthy ways.

In some cases, the stress of raising a teen with a mental illness can contribute to the experience of mental health challenges by a parent. If you begin to feel that you are struggling with sadness hopelessness or anxiety, do not hesitate to seek treatment for yourself. Caring for your own mental well-being will serve as a model for your child to follow, and ensure that you are healthy and able to care for him.

#4 Take Care of Your Family
Remember that if you have other children, they may resent being pushed to the side if all the attention is placed on their sibling's mental health challenges. Make sure that they understand what their sibling is going through, and that you spend time with each of them. Keeping a happy and balanced family can be very helpful in reducing stress levels for everyone, which can help alleviate symptoms of mental illness.